first and foremost,

i FEND for myself..

never have i lived my life with my palms faced up

and never will i ever be the person to ask anyone for shit ..

my parents taught me very early in life to have my own shit,

and not be the needy type of woman.

which is exactly why i wake up every morning, early,

and go to sleep late every night..

i spend each second of my life doing something productive,

that will be beneficial to my future.

secondly,

i am a woman. i make woman decisions. i pay woman bills,

& have woman responsibilities which include my woman tuition,

my woman…

(freewrite) Frank Ocean . Carrie Bradshaw by Lyrik Marie

With dreams of a Carrie Bradshaw life, I place my two lips on a nicely rolled spliff and pull as if my life depended on it.

Frank Ocean’s Swim Good penetrates the speakers of my vintage laptop,
while my muted fourty two flat inch flat screen replays an arbitrary episode of Behind the Music.

Essie colored acrylic stroke the keys of my computer,
and I effortlessly write away the frustrations of my nineteen year old life.

Ridiculed .

Afraid of what my future might bring, my past is now the scapegoat of my shameful present.

If…

I have a confession to make.
And although I am ashamed at the time it has taken me to let out the truth, I am proud to say that I am no longer living my life in a lie.

For the past 19 semi years, I have been hiding beneath the flesh of this unknown female. Speaking her tough girl lingo, claiming her attributes, and positioning myself in stances that resembled her silhouette, I killed Claudia with hopes that I could become HER.  I’ve manipulated every fiber of my anatomy, trying my hardest to convince everyone that I was this girl….

Here’s a short poem I put together today while I suffered through my 8 hour shift at work. Enjoy!

Love me,
because you witness the fight in me, you see the strength in me, and
because my potential goes unmatched.
Love me,
because you see the WOMAN in me, because I carry myself with such
poise, and the way I proceed is that of a QUEEN.
Love me,
because I am INTERNALLY beautiful, because I posses an air of beauty
that is deeper than flesh, and you see God’s grace when you look at
me.
Love me,
because I strive, because I  fall victim to no one & I “man up”…